My Perspective

Maybe I should put a DISCLAIMER on this: This is just something that made sense to my mind & it helped me understand where I was in my growth & when I go through roller coasters of emotions. So, my perspective does not necessarily represent The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and it's teachings.
I mentioned in a earlier blog entry that I realized that I was not responsible for some things that I was taking responsibility for. Well, thanks to the spirit for teaching me in a way that I understood & for using a pattern that Doc Brown from 'Back To The Future' used, I understand this so much more. I've discussed it with my counselor & it made sense to her. I even had to apply it to one of my children & I'm pretty sure that it made sense to them, with their issue.  I am pretty sure that you apply this to nearly any part of our lives. So here it is.

The first line, is OUR LIVES in TRUE REALITY. Something causes us to go off course. That something can be trauma caused by others, an accident, stress from just regular old life events, our own choice to begin addictive behaviors, it can be anything.
In this hypethetical situation we will use ADDICTION as the reason why we go off course. So, we get off course. As we continue to stay off course, then our frame of mind changed it's perspective of reality. We live our lives in this altered reality. Some people can have traumatic events occur to them & they won't even realize that their perspective of the world has changed & they will live in that reality for the rest of their lives.
In my case, others peoples choices took me off course. But, instead of getting back on track with the true reality, I attempted to deal with it by beginning with my addictive behaviors, & that continued to take me further & further from the true reality. I thought that I was living in reality, but I was actually living in my skewed perspective of reality. More events in my life occurred & my perspective continued to change in negative ways.  While my perspective parallels the true reality; the 2 realities sort of travel along together. But in my case, I saw the world as a cold, negative, heartbreaking place to live. When in the true reality not ALL of life is that way, there is a lot of joy & hope & healing.
So, as events occurred & I chose to act out by using addictive behaviors, I continued to go along life in my version of reality. Then it occurred to me that I had addictive behaviors & my journey through recovery began. Through doing the 12 steps of recovery, I've been EVICTED from my skewed perspective of reality & I am now back in the true reality. I have to CHOOSE  to 100% abandon the old thinking patterns, old habits, old friends if necesary, because there is no complete truth there.
This is where things might get complicated, if I let them. I was so used to living in my negative frame of mind, that I didn't feel comfortable in the true reality. So for a long time I fought going back & forth between the 2 realities, but I didn't even know I was doing it.
Another thing, I can only be in alignment with Jesus Christ & Heavenly Father if & when I STAY in the true reality. Is this making sense? I sure hope so.
In steps 4 & 5 we go back, we have to figure out where we went off course. We do our personal inventory, we work out how it all started. When a person gets a root canal, the Dentist has to dig all the way to the bottom of the ROOT of the problem. That's where steps 4 & 5 help us do that. So we find out where we went of course & then we do anything & everything that we can get ourselves back on course & living in the true reality.
Now, having said that, we CAN'T DO IT ALONE. We can't just jump over to the other line, just like that. Like I mentioned earlier, I was so used to living in one reality that it was difficult to move into the truth. So that is when we rely on the Savior. That is when we TRUST Him. Sometimes we have to trust him over & over again, one day at a time, one hour at time, whatever it takes.
I have a child that has learned to parallel current events with scripture stories. This child is constantly pointing out how a certain situation from now a days is just like a story from the Bible or Book of Mormon. So in that setting, staying in our own perspective of reality is just like LOT'S WIFE. She was so unfamiliar & untrusting with the future that she wanted to stay in her perspective of reality. Well, and we know the rest of the story.  
I want to warn you, because this has happened to me a MILLION times. The adversary will do ANYTHING & EVERYTHING that he can to convince us that we don't deserve to be in alignment with The Lord, or that our version of reality is actually the true reality, or that it's safer not to live in the true reality. He will do it & he will probably convince you at least one time that he is correct. But you will eventually realize that you are completely misserable in your version of reality & will want to change. The Lord will wait until you are ready & when you are ready, TRUST HIM.
Yes, it is important to find the place where we started to go off course. But, it doesn't really matter if it was your actions or someone elses actions or life events that threw you off course, the most important thing is to recognize that we are off course and to get back on course. It is our own responsibility to correct our course & do anything & everything we can to STAY in Alignment with The Lord.
We will all get off course multiple times throughout our lives, all of us will, it part of the human condition. The important part is realizing that we ae off course, correcting our direction or in other words REPENTING and getting back on course again.
Getting back on course is fairly easy. To start off, we need to remember some simple truths about ourselves. We are Children of God; He loves us & we love Him. He wants us to be happy. He has given us tools to help us get back on track with Him; all we need to do use them. So reminding ourselves of those truths will help us stay in alignment with The Lord more & more.
Maybe you are still living in an altered reality. Maybe all you are trying to do is go from day to day without slipping up again. Whatever your circumstances, I know that The Lord loves YOU & is waiting for you to ask for help to get back on track. The Lord has placed people in all of our lives to help us get back & stay on track. It could be a Bishop, it could be a close friend, it could be this blog, who knows. Maybe all you need to do is go to your knees & pray for help & strength beyond your own.  Look around you, Are you in alignment with The Lord. If not, then let The Lord help you!

Reviewing Step #7

Tonight, at our addiction recovery meeting we discussed step #7.
Step #7 is Humility: Humbly Ask Heavenly Father to remove your shortcomings.
I had a few things jump out at me.
I remember the 1st time that I did this step, I thought about the phrase towards the end of the first paragraph that says, "No longer were we satisfied with a change in habits or even in lifestyle. We were finally ready to have God change our very nature."
This time through, this jumped out at me again, asking The Lord to change our Nature. The scriptures tell us that the "Natural Man" is an enemy to God. So to ask God to change us from our NATURAL state is a big thing.
I think about my own "natural" tendencies. I am not very kind at times, I have a quick, sharp tongue. I can whip out an insult or a sarcastic remark fairly quickly, I tend to see the world as the GLASS HALF EMPTY. I'm trying hard to see it HALF FULL & to teach my children to see all the positive instead of the negative. I'm selfish. I'm not completely forth coming, I tend to not give all the information about some things, unless I am out right asked for it. I'm too open about some things to certain people & not open enough with people that are close to me.  I'm a loud talker, I am too much of a people pleaser, I have weak relationship boundaries with co-workers & some acquaintances, I gossip at times, I judge others, I over-eat, I don't exercise, etc.
Now, having said all of that, recognizing my weaknesses & flaws doesn't make me HATE myself. It only means that I recognize them & I need to ask The Lord to help me work on them. The more I trust The Lord, the more some of these weaknesses will diminish.
Another sentence in Step #7 that jumped out at me was this, "Even as you feel the pains of your own rebirth, remember that it is His suffering, not yours,  that ensures your redemption from sin."
This tells me that I don't have to continually beat myself up for having flaws or for having made mistakes & sinning. This tells me to STOP beating myself up about it & ALLOW the Atonement to redeem me.
Another sentence jumped out at me. " we are all beggars before God and have no hope of salvation by our own efforts but only through the mercy and grace of Jesus Christ (see Mosiah 2:21; 4:19–20)."
This reminds me that whenever I start to judge others that I need to STOP because we are ALL beggars! Everyone of us is trying to do our best with what we have been given. You, Me, the homeless man on the corner, the drug addict that is struggling to stay clean for 1 more day, the sister in the ward that seems to have a suggestion for everyone , the Bishop that some people might be offended by, the next door neighbor that thinks your grass is too long, your employees that seem to always want a day off or leave early. All of us, WE ARE ALL BEGGARS, we all need Jesus Christ & His Atonement to heal us & put us in alignment with The Lord. We are all on the same team. Remembering that we are all on the same team causes me to treat people differently. I don't judge them, I do what I can to help them & I find myself praying for them. Sometimes it's one prayer, sometimes it's consistent prayers to help people through specific trials. So, in remembering that we are all beggars, it reminds me that we are all Children of Heavenly Father, including me, so maybe I shouldn't be so hard on myself just like I'm not very hard on others.

I'm glad that we reviewed this step. It reminded me of certain things so that I can realign myself with The Lord again.

Joseph Smith

I just found this video on facebook. It is wonderful. I felt the spirit rush through me as I watched.
Joseph Smith Jr., our first modern day prophet paved the way for us. He restored the truthfulness of the Gospel to the earth. He endured a vast amount of persecution just because he stood for TRUTH.
It was Joseph Smith that began our latter-day progress. I pay tribute to Him by posting this video on my blog.
He truly is a Hero.
You might be asking, "How does this apply to Addiction Recovery?" Well, without Joseph Smith we wouldn't be where we are today. We wouldn't have modern day revelation. We wouldn't have a Prophet to receive revelation to start the Addiction Recovery Program. So, the way I see it, Joseph Smith was the beginning of a very wonderful & positive DOMINO EFFECT through time.
Please watch this video                          Praise To The Man

Videos showing Hope & Healing

A few months ago, someone sent me an email, with the link below attached to it.  Addiction Recovery Videos
I put it aside because I didn't have time to watch the videos at that moment. Just the other day I was cleaning out my email folders & found the email again. I had a few minutes, so I clicked on the link & watched a series of 4 videos. It was absolutely WONDERFUL.  Basically the videos show a brief description of what occurs in an addiction recovery meeting. Certain people have chosen to lose their anonymity, in hopes of helping others. Their stories give me more HOPE. They reaffirm to me that the Addiction Recovery Program works!  It works for all of us.
Please go to this link Addiction Recovery Program Videos watch the videos, you will see what it is all about. Then find a meeting near you. Here is the link to help you find a meeting  Find a Meeting
I have been rescued from debilitating addictions.  I have seen so many others rescued as well. This is a lifeline out to YOU. The Lord is waiting for you to come to yourself and return to Him.

Trust In Thee Forever

I've been pondering how much I truly do TRUST The Lord & Jesus Christ. I've been wondering if I'm trusting too much on the "arm of flesh". I should rephrase that. I've been told that I rely too much on others & not enough on The Lord. At first, I didn't agree. But after doing some thinking, it's correct. I don't trust The Lord enough.
In the True To The Faith Manual which you can get to at this link: True To The Faith  Under the heading: Adversity, there are some things that I would like to point out. You can go to this link to see what I'm talking about. ADVERSITY  The 2nd paragraph says this.
"Trusting in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ:When you trust in the Father and the Son, you are confident that They love you perfectly—that They want you to be happy and that They will help you grow spiritually".
This part jumped out at me. If I am not trusting The Lord, then does that mean that I don't believe that He loves me perfectly. Apparently I haven't been believing that because I haven't been trusting Him completely.
I made another discovery too. Some might call it a break through of sorts. The serenity prayer says....
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference."
It occurred to me that I have not been accepting the things that I cannot change. I've also been taking responsibility for things that I am not responsible for. I've realized in the past couple of days that I'm not responsible for certain things that have occurred in my life. In realizing that, I have felt so free & an enormous amount of peace has come over me.
In realizing these things, I realized that there is NO REASON for me NOT to TRUST THE LORD. So, now, I'm focused on building TRUST & LOVE with Heavenly Father & Jesus Christ.
I guess I've realized that a certain thought process that I perceived as truth, really wasn't truth at all. . So in recognizing it, The Lord has shown me the new brain path to take. It feels so good to be on the right path. It feels good to realize, in my  head & in my heart that Heavenly Father & Jesus Christ love me & that they want me to happy. It's almost as if I thought I was their enemy & I've realized that I'm not. I've realized that I am on the same team they are on.
I just read 2 Nephi Chtr 4. You can read it by going to this link. 2 Nephi Chtr. 4
There many statements that Nephi makes in this chapter that show how even though he was called of God, he still felt weak, he still felt vulnerable & he still had heartaches.  In verse 19 it says, " nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted."  He also says in verse 28, "Awake, my soul! No longer droop in sin. Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the enemy of my soul." 
This is KEY; I know in whom I have trusted. I also do not want to give place in my soul for my enemy. In trusting The Lord, and realizing that He truly does love me, this automatically kicks out anything negativity, including the enemy of my soul.  I hope that this makes sense.
In verse 34 it says, "I will trust in thee forever."
I recommit to building my relationship & trust with Heavenly Father & Jesus Christ.

Great Blog

I have referenced this blog before, but I feel that I need to include constantly. This blog has great insight & has helped me a lot. Here it is. waterfallconcept.org
I'm going to add this to my list of Support Websites.  It has some great information & will help all of you, just as much as it has helped me.
The latest thing on this blog that caught my eye was this. Benchmarks of Recovery This helps you evaluate your recovery process. There is also this...Rules of Recovery. There is so much great information on this blog that I could just say DITTO to everything that I've read so far.
Please check it out.

God Will Not Be Mocked

Just found this CLASSIC General Conference Talk, from the prophet of my childhood, President Spencer W. Kimball.
Go to this linkPresident Kimball Video
I find it interesting that this is from 1974, we have been warned for a LONG TIME. It's worth watching.

Real Growth

I was just browsing through the church's website, lds.org & saw this link  Real Growth
While this focuses more on the newly baptized member, people that have been members their whole lives still experience the same kind of growth that new converts do.  We all have to determine which way we will live our lives. We all have to learn & grow through the trials of earth life no matter what era, nationality, religion, or financial class that we were born into.  Eventually, we all have to decide whether or not the way we live our lives is matching up with the way that The Lord wants us to live our lives.
Obviously, when someone becomes an addict, their life doesn't match up with the way that The Lord wants them to live. So we repent. We go through the 12 steps, we recognize our errors & do all that we can to  make restitution.
Of course change doesn't happen over night. Change takes time, line upon line, precept on precept. We as addicts sometimes forget that we didn't get to rock bottom over night, so we aren't going to be "cured" over night either. But in this world of instant gratification, we want results now.
Being a recovering addict, I tend to under-estimate my growth & over-estimate my set backs. My Counselor & Bishop point out to me on a regular basis the things that they think that I should consider a "success".  The biggest thing they they tell me to remember was that my actions to go through addiction recovery stopped a chain reaction that could have continued into future generations.
In the moments that I am hard on myself, I have to remind myself of my successes. Sometimes we tend to look at where we are in our current circumstances & see how far we have left to go & think that we are failing.  When what we should do is evaluate how far we have come down the path to righteousness.
Compared to 5 years ago, I'm doing very well. I'm no longer indulging in my addictive behaviors. I'm no longer self destructive. I have sought help through my Bishop & through counseling. I have removed destructive things & even destructive people from my life. I am more aware of so many little things that can weaken me & my family. While I am far from perfect, I am healthier & spiritually stronger. The Lord has truly blessed me along my journey.
Again I will probably read this in a few weeks on a hard day & wonder who in the world typed this stuff up. I guess, that is the main purpose of my blog, to strengthen others & myself along this journey of life.
So before you or I or anyone we know & love starts to put themselves down about their failures or weaknesses, STOP THEM, STOP YOURSELF. 
Here is an excellent talk from the late Elder Neal A. Maxwell. Go to this link.
 Not Withstanding My Weakness
I'm not sure if I've referred to it before. If I haven't then I will add it to my list of Gospel Sources. This talk is an excellent pattern that we should follow when we are doing personal sef-evaluation. Elder Maxwell was a wonderful apostle that had a wonderful way of speaking. Please consider his thoughts before you decide to tear youself down for your weaknesses.   

Brain Paths / 2 year Anniversary Entry

Today is the 2 year anniversary of this blog.  I'm not sure how to make this entry any more important than any previous entries.
I have realized that I take inventory of myself quite often. I'm not sure how often other people do, but I have read some of my previous entries & have mentioned over & over again that I was doing self-evaluation or soul searching or something like that.  Well, I'm doing it again.  I guess in a way it's good. I don't get too complacent & I'm always looking for 'hidden wedges' as President Monson has talked about before. If you aren't sure what I'm referring to, here is a link. Hidden Wedges
Well, back to my self evaluating.  My brain baffles me sometimes. There are times that I think that I truly understand the Atonement, forgiving myself, moving forward, letting go, daily accountability, staying on track, all of those things. Then, in my mind, I go through the 'pride cycle', which we all do & I feel like I am am relearning it all over & over again.  Here is a conference talk reference to the pride cycle.  Learning The Lessons of The Past
The difference between going through the pride cycle now verses 2 or 3 or 4 years ago is basically habit. Recently, my Bishop pointed out me to that I get sucked into a funk, but I have NOT indulged in my addiction. It is basically a habit for me to go through this cycle.  He reminded me that I need to allow The Lord to make new thinking paths in my brain.
For some reason what the Bishop said clicked this time. I have a son with Autism. When he was a toddler, our focus was teaching him things to build brain paths. We listened to classical music. We repeated tying shoes & many other daily self care tasks, in hopes of building a brain path & getting that behavior to stick in his head.
Well, basically, my addictive behaviors & negative thinking patterns built brain paths & deep roads for YEARS. And since joining addiction recovery, The Lord has been trying to establish new paths & new roads.
There is an area of my town that went through a major construction project. An old road was completely rerouted. When my family drives down the new road, we try to find where the old road used to be. We have looked & looked, but the construction crews did such a good job we can't see where the old road existed. We kind of know where the new route begins, but we can't see ANY trace of the old road.
This new road is how I want my mind to become. I would love to get to the point that there isn't even a trace of my old thinking patterns left.  But, apparently, the old brain paths are still there. The ruts in my old thinking patterns are still visible enough that I travel down those paths more out habit, even though it is very uncomfortable.  Because I do use the old paths, I am not allowing the Atonement to fill them in & build new paths. So, I need to work on that. My Bishop says that we ALL go through this, but I only live in my head, so I only know what I experience.
Again, my Bishop pointed out,I have NOT indulged in my addiction, which is a great thing. Recovery is so much more than just stopping bad behaviors. It's basically taking down an old sagging house with a foundation of rubble, tearing it down completely & and starting over with a new, firm, correct, honest foundation, then starting to build a house again. I guess I'm still rebuilding my foundation. Or you could say that The Lord continues to trim back the branches of my currant bush. The branches are getting strong, but they aren't bearing the fruit that The Lord wants yet.
Refinement is hard. It's hard to differentiate between refinement from The Lord & my own personal chastisement of going down old roads.  But having this sort of revelation of new & old thinking patterns should help me differentiate easier in the future.
Nearly 10 years ago my path of change began. For a long time I blamed others for my issues & I justified my habits. Quite a bit of change occurred, hope was beginning to be restored & trust was beginning to be rebuilt.  Looking back 10 years is a LONG TIME. But then, in the school of life, 10 years can be an 1/8 or a 1/10 of our earthly lifetime. So, it's a matter of perspective I guess.
In the past 4 years I've had a lot more change & growth. Most of the time I was compelled into humility, but positive changes have occurred.
I'm so thankful for The Atonement of Jesus Christ. I'm thankful for the Addiction Recovery Program, for the people that The Lord has put in my life to help & support me along my new road. I'm so thankful that The Lord has restored HOPE & TRUST in my heart & mind.
This road has NOT been easy. It has been the hardest thing that I've ever done. I used to get angry with certain people & blame them for my difficulties along my path, but now I see that going down this path is so much better, so much healthier than continuing down 'strange & forbidden roads'.
I'm sure that in the future when I'm in an negative cycle, I will come back to this entry & think to myself, "Who wrote this?"  I will have to remind myself that I wrote it. The Lord has been carrying me & guiding me & healing me all along my way back to Him. I just need to continue to TRUST the process.
Whatever part of the path of life that you are on, TRUST the process. 

After thought: It's now about 2 hours after I typed up this original message. Something, a temptation was placed before me. For a few minutes I wanted to indulge, but I didn't. I decided to go to lds.org and type in the word TEMPTATION.  Well, a whole list of conference talks, articles & lessons appeared. I went to the first one of the list.  Here is the link
 Believe, Obey, Endure 
It is an excellent conference talk from President Monson that he gave at Young Women's Conference. My daughters & I were not able to attend, so hearing this was new to me. It helped me a lot.
My Bishop has told me that Satan loves to knock us down when we feel over-confident or he continues to have us wallow in our guilt, shame & negative feelings when we are really down.  Well, I guess a bit of over-confidence was sneaking in because the adversary threw a temptation right in my face.  I needed President Monson's address to help me stay on track. The Lord has given us all the tools that we need to stay on track, all we have to do is use them.

LOVE

May 17th will be the 2 YEAR ANNIVERSARY for my BLOG.  It's quite a milestone. I'm not sure how to approach it. Should I have some sort of celebration?  Should I have a give away of some kind?  I recently saw on a blog that I love to read an essay contest.  The winner of the contest won a copy of the book that the author of the blog wrote. The thing is, everyone can get a copy of the 12 Steps Manual, just go to an addiction recovery meeting. So, what to do? It's just a blog though, right? There won't be any fanfare or parades. I'm not going to have a giveaway or a contest. It will just be another day of blogging.
I've had quite a few ups & downs. I've felt nearly every emotion on the spectrum in the past week or so. I've experienced edifying moments and heartwrenching moments as well.
I recently was able to attend some dear friends Temple Sealing. It was wonderful. Those of us that are close to them have seen them grow from their baptism all the way to their Sealing. Even one of the Missionaries that taught them, was able to return & attend the Sealing as well.
The message that the Sealer gave was that of LOVE.  I have to admit, I really wasn't feeling all that much love that day. I was physically exhausted, annoyed, irritated and upset with people. I wasn't in all that much of a cheery, spiritual mood. But while I sat in The Temple, I listened. He read a poem, I love poetry, so I paid attention. I remembered the name of the Author and then went home and googled it. Here is the the poem that was quoted.

LOVE 

I love you,

Not only for what you are,

But for what I am

When I am with you.

I love you,

Not only for what

You have made of yourself,

But for what

You are making of me.

I love you

For the part of me

That you bring out;

I love you
For putting your hand

Into my heaped-up heart

And passing over

All the foolish, weak things

That you can’t help

Dimly seeing there,

And for drawing out

Into the light

All the beautiful belongings

That no one else had looked

Quite far enough to find.

I love you because you

Are helping me to make

Of the lumber of my life

Not a tavern

But a temple;

Out of the works

Of my every day

Not a reproach

But a song.

I love you

Because you have done

More than any creed

Could have done

To make me good

And more than any fate

Could have done

To make me happy.

You have done it

Without a touch,

Without a word,

Without a sign.

You have done it

By being yourself.

Perhaps that is what

Being a friend means,

After all.

By: Roy Croft

 There are so MANY Scriptures about love. John 13:34  Matthew 22: 37-39  Doctrine & Covenants 42:22
Ephesians 5:25      Jacob 3:7     Doctrine & Covenants 121:43      John 15:13      Mark 12:31    
This is just a small sample of scriptures about love. Here is a video from the mormonchannel.org.  This message says it all.   LOVE     Here is an interesting article from the Deseret News, it's a different perspective and well worth reading. Do your children know that you love them? Read THIS and find out if you do what this person does.  While this mainly focuses on loving others, we must always remember to love ourselves. If we don't love ourselves, then we can't truly give love to others.
"Love yourself unconditionally, just as you love those closest to you despite their faults." Les Brown
"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." Bhudda 
"The ultimate lesson all of us have to learn is unconditional love, which includes not only others but ourselves as well." Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
So, think about love. Who do you love? Did you include yourself in that list of people you love? If you didn't, which there are times that I haven't included myself; if we didn't include ourselves, our progression slows dramatically. The Adversary wants us to hate ourselves & treat ourselves with hate. Heavenly Father loves us, He wants us to realize that He loves us & He wants us to be with Him again. He wants us to see ourselves the way that He sees us, His lovely children striving to make it back to Him.